I went to the doctor this week. For the first time in my life my home scale and the doctor’s office scale say the same thing. In the past my home scale has always been about 5 pounds less than the doctor’s office scale. This created an internal dialogue, which weight is true? Which is correct? I end up feeling like I am lying to myself all the time. The discrepancy creates anxiety.
When I first got this new scale and immediately ‘gained’ 5 pounds, I had to struggle to accept that. I knew that I hadn’t gained any weight. I had to accept the new number on the scale. That is my weight. When I went to the doctor’s office, there was a huge sense of freedom. Aha, that is my weight. I can live with that number. I am comfortable here. I felt that I was being honest with myself for the first time.
As a scientist, I know that weight is a relative measurement. The actual number has no particular meaning. You could set the scale anywhere. You can measure in pounds, kilos or stones. Whether it reads 140 or 180 is inconsequential. What matters are the relative numbers, the proportions, and the direction of changes. Actually, if I think clearly about it, what I really care about is how my body is functioning.
I am at my natural weight. My body likes to hold onto a little bit of adipose tissue in my belly and my thighs. To lose that tissue, to lose another 5 or 10 pounds, means obsessing about food, feeling starved, and living in deprivation. It isn’t worth it. I maintain the weight I am at and I feel healthy. My clothing fits. I can do everything I want to do. The only thing that doesn’t fit is the cultural image of what I think a body should look like. I get to keep letting go of my attachment to that cultural image.
I am grateful for this scale that tells me the same thing the doctor’s scale tells me. There is freedom here. I don’t get anxious about stepping on the scale. The scale is a tool. It gives me information.
