It was a glorious summer. It’s not over yet, but school starting always feels like the new year to me. After a very active month in July, I was a bit of a slug in August. I taught less, did less yoga, walked less. We took a short vacation and indulged in delicious foods. My Mother was here for a long visit and we sat, talked, drank tea and ate cookies. The scale shows my neglect. It has crept back up to the top of my preferred weight zone. I feel larger than I like to feel. My clothes are a bit too tight.
This is a dangerous place. I can indulge in self-degradation. I can begin to play the mental tapes that tell me I am not good enough. Those tapes are likely to push me into one of two behavior patterns: overeating or undereating. Neither serves me.
Mom went home. Time has opened up again so that I can walk, dance and practice yoga as I like to do. I’m back to my full teaching schedule. I’m eating the way I like. My body is feeling stronger and vibrant, but the scale shows no change.
I find myself thinking magically: it is a dangerous place. My magical mind believes that if I am eating healthy I should return to my preferred weight overnight. Sometimes that does happens. Sometimes magic manifests, but usually it is a gradual process and my weight fluctuates rather than dropping steadily.
And in reality, my weight is not my business. What I eat and how I care for my body are my business. If I make healthy choices, my body responds in kind. But there are other forces at work: age, hormones, seasons, genetics, family and stress. My weight is an integration of all these things, most of which I have no control over. My weight is not my business. How I care for my body is my business.
So, I get on the scale and I take in the information. Then I go back to my life and do the best I can to care for myself. I trust that if I care for myself eventually my weight stabilizes where I like it to be. The timing is out of my control, no magical thinking will change that.
And, regardless of what the scale says, I feel better when I care for myself. My body is vibrant and healthy. I am grateful that it responds so quickly to a little bit of love and care.
(p.s. I am co-leading a workshop of body, mind and food at Breitenbush Hot Springs. Join me and Susan Beekman for a weekend inquiring into the habits of mind that keep us in unhealthy eating patterns.
register at: http://www.breitenbush.com/events/oct7-10beek.html )
