I gave up diets years ago. Diets are a death sentence. I become obsessed with food. My mind constantly wraps itself around what I am eating or what I am not eating. Everything else fades away. I don’t have mental space for anything beyond managing my food. I am constantly battling twin mental demons: hunger and desire. I don’t like myself or the world when food and hunger are the primary focus of my life.
If I allow myself to eat without restraint, I overeat. I head to the cupboard continuously for ‘a little something.’ And that little something tends to be a handful (bowlful?!) of sweets or chocolates or a salty crunchy snack. I will nibble my way to obesity if I allow myself to eat without restraint. I feel bloated and physically ill. My body begins to ache. I loathe myself, my body, and my indulgence. I am not a happy fat person.
Where does life exist between dieting and overeating? Mindful Eating is the current name-of-choice for this state-of-grace. It implies learning to listen to my body. I ask myself to notice the physical signs of hunger and satiation. I choose to eat healthy food when I am hungry. I stop eating when I am physically satisfied, not when I am full. I pay attention while I eat, not watching television, reading a book, or being other wise distracted from the physical action of eating.
As with any meditation, practicing mindful eating is simple but not easy. I set my attentions, take my deep breaths, make a healthy meal. Sometimes I flee. I find myself at the end of a meal with no memory of what has just happened. When did I eat that meal. The plate is empty in front of me and I have crumbs on my shirt. And I’ve been checked out for the last 20 minutes. I didn’t even enjoy the food. I wasn’t present to consume it. My mind went into an altered state.
For today, again, I intend to eat with presence. I intend to eat when I am hungry and stop when I am satiated. I intend to pay attention to my eating. I intend to enjoy every mouthful.
